Boston

I've had a rough week. Is that ok? Do you still like me? I know everyone wants to hear all the good stuff. JT will be disappointed in me for this. I'm suppose to put on my happy face and laugh. I do ok at that most of the time, but sometimes it all just comes crashing down. This is my venue for getting it all out. I had a good cry last night..but the sting is still there. I know people have far greater challenges in their lives than mine. I don't want theirs. But this is still my cross to carry.
Everyone always tells me "How good Boston is doing." and he is. He's potty trained and just barely over 3 (ok 98% potty trained) he says 4-5 word sentences. He is usually happy. The doctors are all hugely impressed with his progress. So why does it still hurt? Why do I constantly worry about his future? JT and my parents always tell me "he'll be fine" JT is really good at being positive. That's one of the reasons I fell in love with him, but it hasn't rubbed off on me.
I know Boston can defy odds, if anyone can Boston can. But I'm a statistics person and the statistics aren't in our favor. I told my Mom last night "it's like being diagnosed with cancer and they tell you you have 6 months to live. " Sure you may live to be 90..beat the cancer say "ha ha" to the doctors..but you might die.
It's the little things that hurt. When kids say hello to him and he doesn't say hi back. When he screams "no sharing!!" and the kids look at him like "what's your problem?" The kids are starting to notice, they are developing friendships, playing in the street, riding bikes and scooters and playing in the sprinklers. Not Boston. He's saying "no sharing..no talk to friends!!" He doesn't know what to do? His legs don't know how to ride his scooter or pedal his bike. He can't jump. You can say those things don't matter, but as a Mom watching the other kids, my heart breaks every time. In the autism world, Boston is the champ. He is one of the highest functioning kids I know. I can take him places and not fear too much that he will throw a fit. Sure when he is repeating himself over and over again the check out people stare a little bit, but that's all. But when we come home from autism world, he's the misfit.
I love him for who he is... but doesn't he deserve more than that? Doesn't he need other people besides his family to love him? My Mom says "maybe he won't care to have friends.." But I can't help but think it would be an awfully cruel world without friends.
I'll be better tomorrow. I have to be. I have to advocate for him, show people that autism/aspergers isn't what you think it is. I have to help him dream big and achieve anything he wants to. I'll do these things, I promise, but is it still ok to cry once in awhile? I know he'll make me smile in about 2 minutes and I'll smile again. He's really good at that. I LOVE you BOSTON!!!!!